10831.
I KNOW.
YOU.
YOU WANT.
WE LOSE.

MJMB.
THINGS CHANGE.
SPELLS BREAK.
ESCAPE.
ESCAPE HURT.

Unrequited

Sir Chris,

My heart’s struck—emotionally laden. I am not getting better. My response is a tear. Why must he love me the way I do you? I fail in not keeping him too. I feel the blame. But I see greater blame in him. His pain is because of me. But that pain is his choice—the way that this pain is my choice. I fail to lose these affections for you. I fail in relieving this pain because of you.

I am in another’s heart; but my heart is yours. I can’t believe the emotionally complex circumstance that I am in… that I am in because I choose you, because I fail to let go of you.

I fail to fail to fail in Love. And I am sorry that it is so.

Isn’t it sad that this young Love is a failure? But it doesn’t matter anyway. I accept it the way it is, whatever they may say. Love should be a mixture of everything—that is what I believe: Failures and failures in failing. I guess that’s fair enough. (Although this Love affair is obviously one-sided).

I fail to fail to fail in Love. And I am sorry that it is so.

It is sad that there is another case of miserable unrequited love. Does it matter? Must he just accept it or fight for it? Love is a mixture of everything: acceptance of loss and acceptance of destiny. Is it fair for him?

Is my happiness (in loving you) enough to make him happy?

Loss or Destiny?

Right now, I can bravely say that your happiness is my happiness.

I fail. This is loss.

It’s unrequited.

~Cherry

average indefinite

Sir Chris,

“Demand a little…”

I asked. I tried. Nobody gave me anything. Nobody was willing to save a scrap of their time for me. I’m just average indefinite.

So I masked because I’m tired.

But then it is tiring too to laugh when already falling to pieces… and to cry when you know that nobody cares.

Average Indefinite?
I am trying to balance what I feel with what I should feel. Everyone’s a liar sometimes, but I see that everyone’s lying to me—even myself. I say, even you.

I love you but I feel that I shouldn’t. But everyone’s a lover! This average indefinite person would gladly be everyone to you if you only ask… but even if I try to be everyone (that you need) to you, I will be tired because I will just be trying to demand from you a little something that you would not be able to give.

And that’s Love.

~Cherry

Insanity

Sir Chris,

I guess I am lost once more.

A friend told me that there is this line of insanity between being in love and falling in love. I asked her what she meant by that, but her lips only gave me a smile—a knowing smile that told me where I stand… and yes, where you are to me.

I refrained from blogging since things are undeniably unfavorable—even for you. I am sincerely sorry for the trouble, but this I tell you: a lot admire you; and perhaps, like me, have fallen for you too. So just get used to it. Get used to me (if you have not forgotten about me already).

I truly am lost—truly, so and so. I tried forgetting you, only was I not successful but the frustrating truth be told, I was nearly successful! Almost fell off that cliff—my friend’s so-called ‘insanity’ But I hung by a thread.


You see, I discovered that just being in close proximity to that cliff, one can be insane also—caused by the fear of losing someone really important, really special. So, here I am again. Lost in love with you—still lost in love with you.


But do you know why I decided to hold on? It is because you are my insanity. If I fell off that cliff, I will just fall for you again.



A Belated Happy Birthday, Christopher Jay Robidillo.




~Cherry

to get there

Sir Chris,

No. It was no coincidence that I was there. But the truth be said, I had no inkling of why I was there as well. You see, as much as I wanted to believe that there is nothing there in that scene; something inside told me otherwise.

Perhaps it was jealousy? Though I had no right to, still it pained me.

Why had I seen the both of you when I did not want to see anything at all? I miss you so much; and that was what I saw? *sigh* Unfortunate. Truly unfortunate.

~Cherry

Untitled

To all those who hate Sir:

You people commit calumny. You see, I trust those who say that Sir is not gay; not because I choose to believe them, but because I know that they are Sir Chris' friends--that they know him. He might act that way, move that way.. But really, you have no right to judge him. (I don't really mind if he's gay or not. And as my posts say, I don't dream of a happy ending with him.)

If you hate chem, don't hate the chem teacher. If you hate the chem teacher, then just take note of this word: RESPECT.

Sure, everybody thinks of somebody differently. But bear in mind that just because another agrees with you doesn't mean you are right (that you are right in saying that Sir is gay). I see that he clothes himself rather fashionably sleek, and so what? A whole lot of men do. And yes, he's rather soft. But what does that say? He could be just effeminate.

One thing, I know not much of him. That is why I consult some of his friends who know him.

Don't say that I am just blinded by my affections towards him, because that is not just the case! You speak ill of him in this site, and I choose to defend him.

~Cherry

lies in me

Sir Chris,

Why must I concern myself anyway? When it's only going to hurt me in the end. I'm barfed up stupid, and I am the hell sorry for this.

Maybe she likes you. But then again, not. Yet why believe her?

These lies in me...


~Cherry

jay-oppa

Sir Chris,

That girl fondly calls you that. How funny. I wonder what nickname I should give you. I will be giving that a thought.

~Cherry

you made her cry

Sir Chris,

The story I'm here to write should be written by you. The setting is incomplete; it is, for now, just a semi-realistic oblivion. However, the plot is not important. Because in the end, you made her cry.

The two of you were in the Oblation Circle. I entered the scene but the show just went on--it did not mind my intrusion.

Laughter. Shrugs. Pouts. Smiles.

Goodbye. You left her. Then she was wiping her face. You made her cry.

I wonder what your intimacy with her is. I want to be close to you too. I don't really care if that means that every time you would leave me, I'd cry. Because somehow, I know that those tears would be understood. Unlike now.

The truth is, I cry out of frustration because I know that these feelings for you would never be reciprocated. I tell you though, that this is enough for me. I'm contented. I am just frustrated that I am. When what I should be doing is telling you what I feel.

"I love you."

Sometimes too, I wish... I dream a fantasy that you know me. You greet me in the corridors and I smile at you ( a smile intended to be seen by you). I could ask you about Chemistry and perhaps, we would study together. You might even allow me to attend your classes. They're just fantasies right?

But couldn't you feel the eagerness in them?

Let's go back to that scene yesterday. If we could have been acquaintances, I could have asked you why you made her cry.

~Cherry

reflection

Sir Chris,

I wonder a bit too much of what I really feel inside.

It makes me depressed to think about it too.

It's not doubt, but uncertainty.

I have always been certain of the why's hidden in my smiles when you are around. Love is the answer; as it has always been. But surely, I can tell you this, I am uncertain too... Uncertain that this affection for you would be an everlasting one. I do know you. Know this and that. But I do not know you that much that I could make you smile (like the ones I offer you).

It makes me want to give up at times. But it makes me wonder too why I keep on holding on to what some people consider as something unsure. I must say this is love... But I do ask myself, must I fight for it? I guess not.

No... No need for that. As long as it's established in me that I love you, nothing else matters.

Except that when you'll love me too.

~Cherry

what remains

Sir Chris,

There would simply be no satisfaction in this love that I have for you. But at least, I could still tell you this much. I am happy with this. I am happy that I love you.

At my young age, chemistry and maths are the most certain things I could talk of. Nothing much theoretical about the subjects, I could always find the answers to the queries of the subjects, but.. These feelings for you! They are abstract, wholly uncertain. A state of mind and/or the heart. So, I don't know how, but I truly am sure of them.

At my young age, I know that these words could be thought of as crazy and foolishness, but I consider them as certain. My words would not be revered. They are enjoyed though. There is no satisfaction still.. But hey, I am happy with just nothing from you. Not even a word.

My love for you would never be contented. But my heart already is.

I'm contented that I love you. Even with the rest of the world defying my feelings for you, what remains is that I love you. And perhaps, I always would.

~Cherry

hesitation

Sir Chris,

~Cherry

At that Moment

Sir Chris,

One look at you takes my breath away. But one glimpse from you makes me want to give you my all. The corridor was dim but you noticed my stare. The feeling in my chest was enough to sting my eyes. It was queer to act that way. Tears for just that? But really, one glimpse from you is the cost of an eternity.

When our eyes met, love songs occupied my hearing. Well, some of them I could make out but the rest were lost to oblivion.

"I finally found the one, someone to share my life;
I finally found the one to be with every night..."

"From this moment, I have been blessed I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath..."

"I wanna love you forever..."

I know. Crazy right? Fluff and all these things. I love you. And somehow, that's enough for me.

~Cherry

nothing to remember

Sir Chris,

And nothing at all will make me forget you. I try everytime to just erase everything that there is in me about you. It hurts me to do that but it hurts me more when I think of that nothing in the future for me. Because there will be no "me and you" in that future. Just me and me alone.



I have nothing to smile for when tomorrow comes because I have nothing to remember, no "you and me" to recall. Just sad, sad thoughts.

I have nothing to sigh for when memories flood in because I have nothing to remember, no memories of you. Because you and me, we will never cross each others paths, never touch each others footsteps.

Because I will just keep on following yours. But only in the shadows. I love you.

~Cherry

At the Bio Hall

Sir Chris,

Just as my friend was busy with her dealings for her Biology Course, I was busy looking at you. You were clothed rather formal today. I shouldn't think why you do, but I just can't help it. You were talking with a friend, or a student for that matter. The two of you seemed rather close; the two of you laugh and smile at each other as if you two were the only people that matter to each other.

That created a pang in my heart. Because the two of you seemed happy as I watched in the shadows. That pang was due to a feeling bordering on jealousy--and perhaps it was jealousy. Pretty nasty, it was. But I couldn't help it.

It was not even rational. It could be that you were just friends. Just friends. Just friends.

You do not even know me.

~Cherry

could I?

Sir Chris,


I want to hold you and tell you that everything right here in my heart is real; and I mean it when I say that I love you truly. Even if there are times when I just want to shout and scream at you just for you to hear what my heart is telling you, and for you to listen to me...

But could I?

It is sad because I know that I couldn't and I just can't. It's crazy. I really want to tell you how I feel, and I am determined to do so. I love you so much, Sir Chris. I really do.

~Cherry

And I will

Sir Chris,

I will tell you what I feel. But for now, I will just keep it.

~Cherry

are you in love?

Sir Chris,

Are you in love? If so, with whom? I want to know the person. I want to tell her how lucky she is for having someone like you admire her. Because you are a someone worth admiring and loving. And you love her. Or like her for all I care.

But the thing is, you seem to be in the mirth of something. It is not the case that you always seem happy when I see you pass by, but also, something is bothering you. Am I right?

So, Sir Chris, are you in love? You do seem like so.

I have already accepted that it would never be with me for you do not know me at all. It is ok though because loving you makes me complete, makes me happy and whatever I should want to feel. I want to see you happy. So if you are in love, so be it. I am happy for you.

I hope that you and that person will have a happy ending someday.

Unlike for the two of us.

~Cherry

for him 4

for him 5

once more

Sir Chris,



Once more I see your profile.
And even from a distance, I know that my heart still beats for you. Nothing faded. Nothing changed. It's as if I am falling for you again, loving you more each day.


Once more I hear your voice.
And I feel the thunder of my heart. It's beating wildly for you. Calling your name. Telling you "I love you". I want to hear everything you will say like they are for me.


Once more, I dream of you. And I just could not stop but do just that. Everything is perfect in that world in that unreality. I hope it would stay that way. But I know it wouldn't.

^^Cherry